Fragile People - Overcoming trauma from violence and abuse

  People are like high-carbon steel—strong but brittle.

 

I started writing this article three times. Edited it. Deleted it. I couldn’t find the words. Writing about violence is never easy. It storms through people’s lives with screams, punches, and scandals, leaving behind wounds and scars, some healed and others not. It makes you clench your fists in powerless fury. It makes you grit your teeth at the approach of someone who even remotely resembles the person from the past.

 

The bitterest part is that violence doesn’t just hurt—it consumes time. It burns away days and months, leaving painful black marks or blank spots in memory. Life goes on, but the closeness, the warmth of human connection, often gets lost. Instead of comforting, warmth can feel like burning pain.

 

The role of therapy in overcoming violence

 

The subject of violence almost inevitably arises in long-term therapy. It manifests in many forms, from direct physical blows to subtle humiliations hidden within the bounds of decency. Therapy provides a space for overcoming trauma from violence and abuse, helping individuals face these deeply rooted experiences and move toward healing.

 

Hundreds of studies tell us that violence is deeply embedded in human nature. We are wired to be omnivorous, aggressive creatures. Knowing this doesn’t ease the pain—violence still leaves scars. Children are especially vulnerable, and as they grow into adults, the cycle often repeats. Importantly, this isn’t about psychopaths; this is about ordinary people.

 

Childhood and the cycle of violence

 

Everyone has a childhood, and how they are treated during those formative years largely shapes their ability to adapt to the world and build relationships.

 

Anyone can find themselves in a situation of violence. How long they stay often depends on their inner concept of STOP and the resources available in their memory. Our minds can play hide-and-seek with trauma. We’re wired to forget painful events, allowing us to get back on the proverbial bike after a fall instead of staying paralyzed by fear.

 

But in chronic violence, this mechanism can betray us. Forgetting becomes survival, but it also traps us in harmful patterns.

 

Strength and vulnerability as consequences of trauma

 

For some, trauma becomes a source of strength. A person decides early on that the world is dangerous, and they must become strong to survive. They endure hours of extreme stress, excel in aggressive sports, or achieve professional heights. On the outside, they appear confident, with perfect posture and a mask of calm.

 

But beneath the surface is a hunger for tenderness—a hunger for love that feels out of reach. Expressing or receiving warmth becomes a challenge. For these individuals, adulthood isn’t about achieving more but learning something far more difficult: how to love and be loved.

 

The path to healing from trauma

 

The journey of healing is never easy, but therapy offers a path forward. Confronting the past, breaking harmful cycles, and learning to connect emotionally are challenging but essential steps. Overcoming trauma from violence and abuse isn’t about forgetting what happened—it’s about rediscovering strength, rebuilding trust, and finding the warmth that heals instead of burns.